Looming Doubt

Startled, I find he has been standing over me in my lowest moments, whispering negative nothings in my ear.  When I find myself singing with delight at something wondrous I have created, one look from him and without a fight or even a whimper I fold back within myself, taking my creation with me. At times, I wish to speak my truth he shakes his head laughing and I become silent. Before I can take the first step in a new direction, he grasps me by the hand and coldly guides me back to the place I began…a lonely, painful place. He comes when I’m up and he comes when I’m down. He comes when I least expect him, though I should know better by now. Looming Doubt spreads out his dark tentacles, covered in hooks of despair and instantly I feel completely uncertain of who I am and what is to become of me…lost.

Without me, Looming Doubt is nothing. It is I who empowers him. I forget this and allow him to shadow me. I cannot be rid of him, but I can diminish him. Turn away when he beckons. Pay no mind to his endless queries. Turn a deaf ear to his laughter at my expense. Forgive and forget the trespasses of others, for this only fuels the fire that feeds his moldy soul. Appreciate the sweetness, beauty, and wonder of my life. Reclaim my power and watch him fall. The best defense is to believe in myself utterly and then every breath I take is a success and every moment I spend in this world is a joy.

Gadgets to Sooth Hearts

Arc is always creating a gadget of one kind or another. Though a mystery to me, he seems to find his gadgets fun and even relaxing. I am not into gadgets, but I love my Arc and while he fiddles away I can certainly occupy myself otherwise. At one time, when I was much younger, I thought that these inventions (machines!) would cause a gap in our relationship. Not the machines/gadgets/inventions, per se, the idea of them. I’m into nature. The natural.  What feels, smells, and tastes genuine. This is so important to me. Machines, gadgets and the like, these do not feel natural to me. My fear was that this difference between Arc and me, this gap would widen, turning into a chasm until we were so far apart from one another that we would no longer be able to see each other at all. This happens in so many relationships…including a few of my own. Turns out, I was quite wrong about it causing a problem between us. My fear turned to puzzlement, my puzzlement to interest, and my interest finally turned into acceptance…and a fascination.

Arc invented the Communicator Crystal years and years ago. Interestingly enough, it was one of the first things he invented that I did not fear. Hold this beautiful, spherical crystal in your palm, picture the person you wish to speak with and either leave a message (if their crystal is switched off) or see them before you as if you are standing together. And you can converse anywhere you choose! This was a addition Arc made later on. Meet up at lovely beach, a mysterious forest, or the local sweet shop. He’s so clever. No idea how he does what he does, but what does that matter? Curiosity adds spice to a relationship.

Arc knows how much I love surprises and secretly he’s been working a new modification to his Communicator Crystal: a locater setting. Up until now, the CC could only be used to contact someone if they also have a CC. It doesn’t work if the other person doesn’t have one, but with this new locater setting, you’ll be able you to find someone…anywhere. I’m so excited and I can’t wait to try it! Arc returns home tonight and promises that we’ll work on it together.

Whether it works or not to find our daughters, I know that Arc spent many nights working on this project. It’s not possible for me to love him more, yet I do! He’s told me not to get my hopes up too high, that it could take a while for him to work out all the ins and outs of this device, but I know we’ll make it work. Together. We’ll just keep at it until it does work! And now I finally have a balm of hope, enough, to soothe this heart of mine.

The CC is so beautiful, this drawing doesn't do it justice!

A Place I’ve Visited Far too Often…

I keep returning, because a part of my heart is lost in this Land. I ache to save her. She is my first child and what mother does not wish to rescue their children from harm…even if it does come from themselves?

I could take her from this gloomy location, but I would only be moving her from one spot to another. With all my Magic, I cannot remove the hurt in her head and heart, nor can I break through the potent walls unseen. Only she can do these things. Only she can save herself. And though visiting this Land brings weariness to my spirit and a sadness to my heart that is nearly unbearable, I still have faith in my daughter and the man she’s chosen as a mate. I will never stop believing that one day they will break this spell they’re under…

In My World

In my world rudeness happens only on the bluest of moons.  Courtesy is the very first rule taught in driving. Our elderly are afforded respect and dignity. All animals are treated humanely, because animals are an extension of people. We do not emulate the cruelty found in nature, we rise above it. Honesty is revered, but we always take care to impart truth gently, ensuring that we never deliberately hurt another’s feelings.

We still have mom and pop markets, just around the corner and down the street in our neighborhoods. You always have time to say a kind word or two to anyone you meet. Everyone cares for all the world’s children, not just their own children, although especially their own. A tree is never cut down to make room for a slab of concrete, and progress does not mean getting rid of a park or someone’s home to make way for a parking lot.

It never occurs to anyone to judge another’s worth based on clothes, skin color, sexuality, age, or the amount of money in their wallet. Everyone knows that human beings have boundless creativity and an endless capacity to love. Truly it is only one’s heart that matters. We work together, rather than against, because this really does make the most sense.

Every individual is mindful that others coexist in this world and that we all have the same rights. All of us gratefully, humbly, and with open hearts share whatever it is that we can. We always pay a good deed forward. Physical violence does not exist, because we have evolved past the need to feel “powerful” by shaming or demeaning someone else. True power is never attained by trying to control someone else. True power is always generous and inclusive. There are no wars, because we all know that this is one planet and its care has been entrusted to all of us to tend and pass on to our children.

Of course, it’s not a perfect place this world of mine. We still stumble and fall, skinning a knee here and there. On occasion a harsh word may pass our lips, but we make up quickly and completely. We don’t hold a grudge, because we are all well aware that not a one of us is perfect. Mistakes happen, but we don’t beat up ourselves or others.

As John Lennon once said, “you may call me a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” I believe that there are many of us…in my world. You just have to believe, too.

Pardon the Interruption…

I do not wish to criticize our hostess so early in the game; however, I must make a correction. I’ve created Universes, Ms. What’s-It! That’s plural! Just because you know of only one, doesn’t mean that’s all there is. You’ve not given me much of an introduction to these kind (and what “kind” are they?) humans. My full name is Intricate Werthy Knot and I’m what you would call a Sorceress. Please do not confuse me with a Witch or Wizardress. We Sorcerers are a great deal more powerful. I am not being arrogant. It’s taken me centuries to grow into the gifts I was born with, and I still wrestle with powers that are often beyond my keen. That being said, I’m very much looking forward to telling you about myself and hopefully learning about you, as well. Let’s not make this a one way street, shall we?

The Door in Front of Me…

      Actually there is a door behind me, too. I’m not interested in that door, though. The door in front of me is made of a dark chocolate colored wood…with a slight red sheen. It’s old, but in very good condition…someone has cared for it and it is well made, sturdy, solid. It’s carved, but not ornate, a simple geometric pattern. Though there is something a bit fanciful about it…triangles. The knocker is very exciting. Pewter, perhaps nickel, it is in the shape of a jester’s face. I love jesters!

I’m not afraid of the door…or what may lay behind it. I run my hands along the wood…it has a very nice feel to it. Bold, I press the flat of my palms on its surface. I feel a slight vibration, but whether that is the door or me, I’m not certain. I trace my finger along the face of the jester…what a happy expression he wears. His mouth forms an open smile…beckoning…teasing.

          “Listen to what is inside of me.”

Startled, I instantly drop my hand from his face. His pewter lips move! His silver eyes alight with a charming waywardness. And though I am intrigued, I take a step back.

          “We’ll have none of that! Step forward, woman, and greet me properly.”

I blurt out,

          “Greet you?”

          “I’m not just a bit of metal, you know! I have feelings, I have soul, and I have power.”

Power, indeed!

What is the ‘proper’ greeting in this circumstance? At a loss, I fall back on the standard,

          “Erm, my name is Intricate. Intricate Knot, and I am very pleased to meet you, Sir.”

          “Just call me Jasper. I don’t stand on ceremony. In fact,” he chuckled, “I don’t actually ‘stand’ at all. More like sit or placed, never can figure out which! Perhaps, I’m both sitting and placed, or I was placed in order that I may sit. Placed or no, I am not without my talents, though.” And with that stated, his face grew before me. No longer knocker size (about the length of my hand), but now a full, human-size face!

It is very good that I am somewhat accustomed to magical happenings, otherwise I would have been shocked speechless and may have even giving in to a fainting spell! But no, I would never faint…I might miss out on something wonderful. Impressed with his talent, I did not hesitate to praise,

          “My, my, you are gifted beyond measure, Jasper. I am more than pleased to meet you, I’m tickled.”

A low, but somehow friendly growl emitted from the back of his metallic throat. Very sexy, though I had no designs on him, I can assure you.

          “Mmm, you make me wish that my talents extended further, Lady Knot.”

I rushed to deny,

          “Oh, I’m not a ‘lady!’ I’m not any such thing!”

He peered at me intently, not seemingly convinced by my heartfelt denial,

          “You appear as a lady to me, but if you wish to be less formal, I’m certainly game. What shall I call you then?”

          “Call me Kit.”

          “Kit it will be. So, Kit, interested in what lay inside me?”

Hiding my enthusiasm and curiosity has never been one of my faults (though I do have many and quite trying ones at that!). I clasped my hands together and exclaimed,

          “Yes! Most definitely!”

          “Listen then to the revelry within,” the metal loop that sat beneath his neck knocked against the silver plate that was fastened to the door, “place your ear here, against my heart.”

Unable to contain my fascination, I did just as he asked. Bending slightly, I pressed my ear to Jasper’s ‘chest’ and listened. Music! Beautiful music! An orchestra perhaps, but then Arch would know what type much better than I. At the thought of him, my heart contracted with just a small wince of pain. I missed him.

Then I felt something, just at my belly button. The door knob! It had grown, considerably, and was gently prodding me.

          “Go on,” he teased. “Grasp my knob.”

I managed to control the blush that wanted to light my face,

          “Well-”

He wiggled his sharp pewter brows,

 “You know you want to.”

Hopelessly, I gave up trying to fight the blush,

 “You’re really quite naughty, aren’t you Jasper?”

He belted out a roar of laughter,

 “My darling Kit, we haven’t even got to real fun, yet!”