How to Make a (Gingerbread) Zombie Army…

“I sometimes feel that I’m impersonating the dark unconscious of the whole human race. I know this sounds sick, but I love it.”

~ Vincent Price

Some people really seem to relish the notion of an upcoming Zombie Apocalypse. There are a number of reasons for this. Or perhaps there’s only one reason: no more having to be responsible, right? The only thing you will need to do is survive…or not. Becoming a zombie might be the best thing that ever happened to you. No more nine-to-five. No more rent or mortgage to cover. No more boss to put up with. No more car payments. No more worrying about what to wear to the O’Flaherty’s New Year’s Eve party. No more anything…just lovely, ignorant bliss as far as the eyes can see. Ahhhh…..

Personally, I’m of the Zombie School of Thought that we’re in the midst of a Zombie Apocalypse right now. The zombies just haven’t got to the actual eating-your-brain stage. Be patient. It will happen. It’s only a matter of time.

Which (in a very round-about-walk-a-crooked-mile sort of way), leads me to this post. You’ve heard of DIY tutorials, yes? For all of you out there who’ve been waiting for it, here it is: How to Make a (Gingerbread) Zombie Army.

I’ve often wondered how to make my very own Gingerbread Zombie Army. This, along with many other worthy questions has kept me up at night. And no offense meant to any of you gingerbread lovers out there, but I’m actually not big on gingerbread. I do, however, love zombies. So, how to create a Gingerbread Zombie Army without making the gingerbread was a puzzle. Until…[insert drum roll here] I ran across this lovely and free pattern:

Looks a bit smiley, doesn’t he/she? Not to worry. Upon becoming a Zombie Gingerbread, a smile turns into a grisly grin in no time flat.

I find a pattern easier to use when it’s a bit firmer, so I glue the paper pattern onto a piece of cardboard.

I printed out my pattern and then glued it to the cardboard from an (empty) box of cereal. We eat a lot of cereal around here. Maybe you eat a lot of Pop Tarts or granola bars. In which case, life will be more difficult for you as the gingerbread pattern is bigger than a Pop Tart box and you will have to glue together 2 pieces of cardboard. Way to much work for me, so I eat cereal.

Nice, eh? It just goes to show that you should never try to force creativity. Let it appear when it is ready. It could appear as a box of cereal. You never know. I do know that both creativity and cereal are worth the wait.

Have I mentioned how much I love glue sticks and scissors? I know I’m not alone in believing that they are the meaning of life. Since the very first time I saw them together, I knew I would never be the same…

Did my heart love till now? Forswear it sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.

~William Shakespeare

Glue sticks and scissors aren’t really the meaning of Life, but they sure do help it along. It’s important to know what to stick with and what to cut out of our lives (and our crafts).

After making your pattern, you can then trace out its shape onto your material.

If you’re like me, you’ll be doing this in the middle of the night and you might start to see things. Things that aren’t actually there. Like stuff coming to life and dancing around the room. This happens to me a lot. A lot.

The choices of material are endless. My zombies prefer natural fabric, so I go for unbleached, 100% cotton. These zombies do like color though, so I’m branching out into red, green, and black cotton. Got to keep the little buggers happy, otherwise they get restless. Gingerbread or no, restless Zombies are dangerous Zombies.

Now comes the fun part: discovering the Gingerbread Zombies’ personalities and painting them to suit those personalities. They’ll talk to you. They’ll tell you their stories. They’ll scare the living bejeezus (or whatever else they can get their grimy paws into) out of you. Never underestimate small, inanimate creations.

After sewing the material pieces together, paint the Gingerbread Zombie’s face and clothes (I used acrylics), maybe sew on a couple of buttons for eyes and add on some weird curly hair bits, blah, blah, blah, blah…

Then we stuff our Gingerbread Zombie. You could stuff them full of sweets or extra helpings of mashed potatoes (my preference when it comes to stuffing myself), but you’re probably better off with an 80/20 mix of cotton and polyester.

“Stuffing the Zombie,” sounds dirty, doesn’t it? I can assure you this is a very clean procedure.

After the stuffing process, a bit of surgery is required. We can’t have the stuffing falling out.

The dreaded, but necessary surgery. A concept I am (unfortunately) intimately familiar with.

A completed side-stitch:

And unlike certain surgeons I’ve had the displeasure of encountering, I took the time to make certain all the stuffing (and only the stuffing no rogue bits of carpet or plastic pieces) is tucked back neatly inside and sewn up with lovely, neat stitches. Just because they’re Zombies doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be afforded neat stitching.

Ever read Raggedy Ann stories? Well, she was special because along with her cotton filling she was given a candy heart. My Gingerbread Zombie Army soldiers are special because each one of them has been given a candy Booger for a brain. Yep. You read that right. A candy Booger brain. I couldn’t give them heart, could I? They’re zombies.

Tangy, sugary brainy badness!

There you have it: a quick, if weird and perhaps confusing, guide to making Gingerbread Zombies. If you’d rather not bother, but would still enjoy amassing your very own army, I can be persuaded to part with some of mine. Actually, I was out of commission for awhile and all I could do was sew, sew, and sew and I’m afraid I got a bit carried away making them. Erm…they’ve sort of taken over our home. Gaak. I’m doing my best to keep them happy with stale Halloween candy (as much trouble as it gives me at times, I really do need my brain), so if you’d like to adopt one, I’m certain they’d be thrilled. You can find them in my Etsy Shop.

Meet Billy Bob Bodean

❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤~~❤

Not the mushy, hearts-and-flowers type? The artists of Halloween Artist Bazaar have got your Valentine Day needs covered! Check us out:

A Charm for Your Pocket

Starlight

I will be

Chasing 

Starlight

Until the end

Of my life.

~Starlight, by Muse

I’ve always considered myself an individual with a high-functioning-multiple-personality-disorder. There are a lot of us in here. A lot. How many? I keep losing count. But this is not my point, my point is each personality seems to need her/his/its own field of expression: writing, painting, drawing, chasing after dust motes that look like ghosts, etc. Keeps me busy and off the streets. I highly recommend giving in to your creative impulses. It will require some *wrangling capabilities on your part, but I do believe that the **rope burns are worth it.

This post is about my latest creative impulse: Pocket Charms. Below is a record (of sorts) of my project. Making these charms works best if you have some knowledge of symbols and their meanings.

First you need a disc. My preference is wood. For some unknown and wicked reason I chose wood discs that are a mere 1 1/2 inches in diameter. What was I thinking? Yeah. That is one of the drawbacks to following one’s impulses. Things often turn out to be more difficult than initially anticipated. In this case, the discs are very small which makes painting them a bit of a pain.

Wood disc, size 1 1/2″ in diameter by 1/8″ thickness.

Here’s a few. Aren’t they cool? Each one has a different wood pattern. By the way, these discs are scrap. So, the tree that was harmed? Wasn’t harmed again to make these discs.

A few wood discs.

You will also need one of these.

Nail file. Just like (in fact is) sandpaper. You could always use sandpaper (ho-hum). Truth is, I didn’t have any sandpaper when this particular bee flew up my butt. And if that sounds uncomfortable, believe me, it is.

Yes. You really do need the nail file (sandpaper, whatever). These wood discs come with flaws. Mind you, some flaws are cool and should be left alone. Which actually makes them quirks, rather than flaws.

What’s the difference between a flaw and quirk? Flaws are annoying and paint goops up in them. Quirks are charming and talk you out of sanding them away and you only smile when you see paint gooping up in them.

Hmm…since I have these discs and a nail file and paper…

I see faces everywhere (and if they’re not there I’ll make them up), which I suppose is better than seeing dead people everywhere.

Hang on.

Much better, don’t you think?

You’ll also need lots of these.

Paints and brushes. You can sort of see the brushes in the little skull and crossbones cup. The skull and crossbones cup is not necessary; however, a cup to hold your paint brushes helps.

And then not-magically-but-kind-of-with-magic you get a bunch of these

Pocket Charms: finished and semi-finished  (the canvas has been painted on the wood disc, but the design isn’t there, yet).

Sometimes you mess up.

Yeah, I messed up, but it kind of looks like I found it in a treasure chest that sat at the bottom of the ocean for a hundred years. Sort of cool, so I’m keeping it to remind me to avoid messing up in the future.

Messing up is part of the being-a-human deal. Try not to let it bother you. You’ll feel much better after a little…

The failures are worth it when you get one of these…

This particular charm is for feeling good about one’s physical self.

After painting, you will need to coat it with a sealant. Oh, and remember to not only read the directions, but follow them as well.

Turns out “Shake can vigorously for 2 minutes” is actually important. Not 1 minute or 1 and 3/4 of a minute. I don’t know how the contents knows whether or not you’ve shaken the can for the exact 2 minutes, but if you don’t you may get one of these

If you’re not interested in making your own charm for your pocket, purse, bedside table, night cap or egg custard cup you can always purchase one of mine here. Each Pocket Charm comes with a spell printed on 100% recycled paper, and a little 100% unbleached cotton bag.

*No personalities are harmed during the wrangling process. After they’ve been wrangled they can express their thing (whatever that “thing” may be) and then are set free to graze or run wild, whichever or whatever may suit their individual fancy. This is why we all get along and haven’t experienced a revolution in quite some time.

**The rope burns are caused by holding on to the reins too tightly. You can avoid this by giving up the reins entirely. I have not given up the reins, because I really do appreciate the illusion of order.

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How much do you love Halloween? It’s the no-pressure-just-fun-candy-and-costume holiday! Come check out the Halloween Artist Bazaar‘s Trick or Treat Giveaway. Sign up is free and painless. Click on the picture below and sign up today!

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